Nymphetamine

I looked around. Nothing, just one of another busy day. Brightly shining sun, intentional minded legs, pollution causing horns, stomachs that earn from hopes and prayers, school going children, wandering cats, rats and street dogs, unnoticed chirruping of birds, black roads absorbing more and more of heat, smoke and dust, u-turns and turn overs, colliding and passing through, screams and whispers, all of which that reach to the senses of any person trying to avoid such chaos and in search of peace, as like me.

Because I was trying to concentrate on a single soul. The one I have seen next to one hundred times. The one with an intensive eyes, grayish hair, stealthy walk, tight fit blouse, ankle-length skirt, a red bag that shows to bear no weight, mascara covering the natural beauty of her eyes, and lipstick more bright than the sun itself as if trying to veil the spoken words or maybe the silence. This was a beauty, a fake beauty, but I guess hardly anyone is giving a second look to her. Why? What is she?!

I was curious. Not because I didn't have anything else to do that day, or because I know her personally, or that I got attracted to her eccentricity, but because a long time back I raped her out of my wits. She was a virgin and I hate virgins. But she was also special. Her vagina welcomed a hard core erect dick with all hospitality. She didn't enjoy but she didn't screamed either. She was calm. A calm which wasn't natural, a calm that had fire. I was alarmed with the ferreting gaze and a known smile she offered me. She remained there where I left her, but I ran. I don’t know why, but I ran and I felt better. After that day I wanted to see her again, to know her more, but all in vain. Until one day, same day of next year, I saw her the way I saw her few minutes back. I see her often since then and it burns a fire inside me. I want to touch her, kiss her, f**k her, hurt her. Every time I see her, she becomes my addiction. I couldn't get her off my mind and maybe that is what she wants!

I couldn't see her anymore. She has disappeared like any other time. But I didn't gave up the search as that is not in my habit. I kept looking for her knowing deep down that today I will get her. That is a general process. I looked among crowd and darkest of corners. I looked on towers and in the drains. I looked on pavements, I looked in cars. I looked in shops, in crowded bars. She could be anywhere. She is different.

Soon, at last I found her, far enough to be out of my reach and close enough to come under the range of my sight. She was walking with her back to me. She turned, smiled, and kept on walking again looking straight now. I was running now, avoiding the people that are trying to be an obstacle in my way. She was pacing around indifferently. Now she was just around fifty meters away from me. I ran faster. She was boarding the bus. Adrenaline was getting secreted from my endocrine so much so that I can taste it inside my mouth. The bus was going away, she was inside, I had to run faster. I flied and finally managed to hold up the handle and climbed inside. I looked around, my heart was beating very hard trying to capture up for air. My attention was not there but everywhere around. I looked through and through. She has to be here. Where could she go. I first looked in haste and then very carefully, focusing on every single thing. People were busy in themselves. They don’t have any idea who is among them. They were talking in themselves, reading in themselves. Until next stop arrived and a few of them got ready to leave. I started looking at each and every face. I couldn't miss her again, not when I have come so far. But none was her. Then there was a noise that vexed me. A small girl was crying. I avoided her. I have to search everyone.

But the noise grew. I looked at the child. She must hardly be two, in her mother’s arms. Her mother looked at me apologetically. It was then that I realized the expression of disgust and annoyance on my face. I calmed myself and smiled at her mother who was just stepping down. And the child smiled back…that strange familiar smile!