Disownment

The happenings of past few months
That you made a mistake to defend from the truth they held
And the concrete structure of your belief which was born out of your blessings once,
Have now disowned you.
You doubt yourself, your existence is troubled,
Eyes red, at the depth of darkened eye sockets,
Filled with reddish marks caused due to the friction of tears on your cheeks,
Vanished genuinity of smile,
Apt suppression of words and expressions
Yet still, the one thing you most despise is to collect pity.
You better run through this, bare-feeted,
Wondering if your future can bear a token of that segment of past that was wonderful
Reminding that you don't 'belong' anymore
And filling your heart with enigma of distrust;
Weird random memories return with unbearable nostalgia
So that you would want to be numbed down to your last cell.
With ugly face and unattractive manners
You avoid your gaze from falling onto the mirror
Until one day you recognize that it's not you anymore
Where have I gone? You wonder. And since when?
Can you return back?
Can you assume the worst of reality in order to gain no second choice for your next step?
Or you still prefer to defend the smashed concrete structures of unrecognizable believes?
And still you think you have a choice!
To suffer or to suffer more
(With no scale to measure).