I looked around. Nothing, just one of another busy day. Brightly
shining sun, intentional minded legs, pollution causing horns, stomachs that
earn from hopes and prayers, school going children, wandering cats, rats and
street dogs, unnoticed chirruping of birds, black roads absorbing more and more
of heat, smoke and dust, u-turns and turn overs, colliding and passing through,
screams and whispers, all of which that reach to the senses of any person
trying to avoid such chaos and in search of peace, as like me.
Because I was trying to concentrate on a single soul. The one I
have seen next to one hundred times. The one with an intensive eyes, grayish
hair, stealthy walk, tight fit blouse, ankle-length skirt, a red bag that shows
to bear no weight, mascara covering the natural beauty of her eyes, and
lipstick more bright than the sun itself as if trying to veil the spoken words
or maybe the silence. This was a beauty, a fake beauty, but I guess hardly
anyone is giving a second look to her. Why? What is she?!
I was curious. Not because I didn't have anything else to do
that day, or because I know her personally, or that I got attracted to her
eccentricity, but because a long time back I raped her out of my wits. She was
a virgin and I hate virgins. But she was also special. Her vagina welcomed a
hard core erect dick with all hospitality. She didn't enjoy but she didn't
screamed either. She was calm. A calm which wasn't natural, a calm that had
fire. I was alarmed with the ferreting gaze and a known smile she offered me.
She remained there where I left her, but I ran. I don’t know why, but I ran and
I felt better. After that day I wanted to see her again, to know her more, but
all in vain. Until one day, same day of next year, I saw her the way I saw her
few minutes back. I see her often since then and it burns a fire inside me. I
want to touch her, kiss her, f**k her, hurt her. Every time I see her, she
becomes my addiction. I couldn't get her off my mind and maybe that is what she
wants!
I couldn't see her anymore. She has disappeared like any other
time. But I didn't gave up the search as that is not in my habit. I kept
looking for her knowing deep down that today I will get her. That is a general
process. I looked among crowd and darkest of corners. I looked on towers and in
the drains. I looked on pavements, I looked in cars. I looked in shops, in
crowded bars. She could be anywhere. She is different.
Soon, at last I found her, far enough to be out of my reach and
close enough to come under the range of my sight. She was walking with her back
to me. She turned, smiled, and kept on walking again looking straight now. I
was running now, avoiding the people that are trying to be an obstacle in my
way. She was pacing around indifferently. Now she was just around fifty meters
away from me. I ran faster. She was boarding the bus. Adrenaline was getting
secreted from my endocrine so much so that I can taste it inside my mouth. The
bus was going away, she was inside, I had to run faster. I flied and finally
managed to hold up the handle and climbed inside. I looked around, my heart was
beating very hard trying to capture up for air. My attention was not there but
everywhere around. I looked through and through. She has to be here. Where
could she go. I first looked in haste and then very carefully, focusing on
every single thing. People were busy in themselves. They don’t have any idea
who is among them. They were talking in themselves, reading in themselves.
Until next stop arrived and a few of them got ready to leave. I started looking
at each and every face. I couldn't miss her again, not when I have
come so far. But none was her. Then there was a noise that vexed me. A small
girl was crying. I avoided her. I have to search everyone.
But the noise grew. I looked at the child. She must hardly be
two, in her mother’s arms. Her mother looked at me apologetically. It was then
that I realized the expression of disgust and annoyance on my face. I calmed
myself and smiled at her mother who was just stepping down. And the child
smiled back…that strange familiar smile!
